Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
