I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
