I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
