Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
