I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
