its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
