You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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