Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
