do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
