her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
