Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
