I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
