Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
