Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
