I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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