i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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