I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
