The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My bed smells like the plague
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
