we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
