Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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