It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
