this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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