i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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