I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
