yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
