I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
