I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
