I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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