my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
