"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
birth control should be required to get into college
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
