if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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