i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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