i jhust puked up my retainher.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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