The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
