There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
