I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
