He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
