i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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