I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
