it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
