I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
smell my finger.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
