in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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