How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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