Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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