i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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