imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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