R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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