It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
