She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
