the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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