obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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