a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
