Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
