Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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