just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
