i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Randomize
