i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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