you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
