i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
