I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
