haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
