just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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