dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
