I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
