Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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