You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
