I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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