if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
