Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My vagina is very pro this idea
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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