He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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