Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
