Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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