Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
