im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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