did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
