Apparently you make a good broom.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize