this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
