i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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