My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
