I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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