If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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