just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
