you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
