so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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